


Repressed/Stunted

by starrylitme



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Black & White | Pokemon Black and White Versions
Genre: Budding Love, Complicated Relationships, Emotionally Repressed, Established Relationship, F/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, One-Sided Attraction, Possessive Behavior, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27514810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: N was once a king. At the time, Touko wanted to crush him. To smash him between her palms and wipe the remnants off her shorts. She had pretty strong feelings against him. His smug attitude and upturned nose, the way he would continuously dart his eyes towards her team attached to her belt. He spoke so quickly that she wanted to wring his neck.All that said, she wanted to shove her tongue down his throat. Be it because of hormones, because he was the first guy she really got to know besides Cheren, or even because N was just pretty to look at, there had been undeniable attraction. Attraction which hadn’t even been separated from violence.And now, she—doesn’t want to hurt him. Because she knows how vulnerable he really is. How he had been manipulated by a monster and how his face had crumbled like paper when called a freak. When she wanted to embrace him, it was fueled purely by the desire to keep him safe from the rest of the world.
Relationships: N | Natural Harmonia Gropius/Touko | Hilda
Kudos: 55





	Repressed/Stunted

**Author's Note:**

> I ended up incorporating the Bad Things Happen Bingo Prompt "Please Don't Leave Me" which I think is super fitting for FWS. I love FWS a lot. It's a good ship.
> 
> Please enjoy. :>

It had taken a while to ‘break N in’, so to speak. When she first offered that he stay with her and her mom, he had of course been anxious. Wary. He grew only more skittish the closer they got to Nuvema, and the only reason he hadn’t bolted the second the door opened was because her mom had greeted him so warmly.

“So you’re the friend she’s talked so much about! Come in, come in!”

She had wondered, of course, if N had ever known a mother’s affection. Judged by his dumbfounded stare and the way he trailed after her mother like a lost Lillipup, she suspected that wasn’t the case.

_He really is a child, isn’t he?_

“She looks a lot like you,” he had remarked. “That’s normal, isn’t it? What about your father?”

“We don’t really talk about him,” she had replied with an easy laugh. “I barely even knew him.”

“Oh. Was he bad?”

_Like yours?_

She had shrugged.

“Like I said, I don’t know. Can’t really make those kinds of calls on someone I didn’t know.”

“I see.” N blinked at her, eyes wide. “That’s such a noncommittal response. So mature, Touko.”

_Mature?_

The relationship between her and N had always been a little weird. From the start, N saw her as a rival and a counterpart to himself. With his own grand self-image, she couldn’t deny the expectation in that sparkling gaze of his was beyond uncomfortable and frustrating. Even now, N looks at her like there’s more than what she is, and the weight of that is crushing on her shoulders. With his life and world crumbled, his pedestal of her remained.

She still wants to tackle him sometimes for that. It would be inappropriate to do so at the dinner table, so she just thrums her fingers along the surface, and she takes in how her mom prepares their plates with a smile and a laugh. Like nothing is amiss. Like nothing ever went wrong.

“How long are you staying with us, N?” her mother asks. “I certainly don’t mind having an extra pair of helping hands around.”

“Touko insisted I’d come and she’s quite scary,” was his answer. “When I told her my living conditions, she went into a rage.”

“Because he sleeps _outside_ ,” she huffed. “In the _cold_. Without even a tent.”

“My friends keep me warm, Touko. It’s not cold at all.” N shook his head. “Not to mention tents are windy and unyielding.”

“Yeah, he’s staying with me until further notice.” A pause, and it was probably then that Touko realized how rude she was being. “T-That’s alright, isn’t it, mom?”

“As I said, I don’t mind,” her mom chirped. “It’s nostalgic, isn’t it? Having a friend stay over. Both Cheren and Bianca are so busy these days. How are they doing?”

“They’re...doing fine,” she says because she’s not sure what else to say. “Don’t worry. I’m looking into getting our own place so this shouldn’t be a permanent setup.”

Her mother’s smile is broad. N eyes her curiously. Intently. She doubts he understands this situation, the undercurrents brought about by societal expectations and pressures. He was sheltered from all of that—she wondered if he even truly understood what independence was. N was a couple of years older, yes, but he was also much, much more immature.

_Not that it’s his fault or anything._

“You don’t have to be in such a hurry, Touko,” her mom said. “Just grow up at your own pace.”

“Can’t help it,” she huffed. “I don’t like to fall behind.”

_Cheren and Bianca seem to be on a path that’ll suit them for the rest of their lives. Or at least the foreseeable future. Meanwhile I—still have no idea what I want, exactly. Besides that guy._

“Is this a competition?” N asked, quite confused. “I apologize. I do not understand at all.”

_I want him. To be with **him**. Maybe that’s shallow, but... It’s because he’s so innocent that I can’t help it._

“It’s irrational,” Touko explained. “It’s not really meant to be understood so much as felt.”

“I...see. I don’t suppose you can explain those feelings in greater depth?”

“Not with formulas, no. Sorry.”

_Inferiority, desire, and drive. I’ve always been the kind of person to let my emotions guide me. Blind leading the blind. I even ended up on going in circles looking for this stupid, stupid guy._

N was frowning, almost pouting, and she wanted him _fiercely_.

“Even as a human, you’re particularly arduous, Touko.”

“It’s not good human behavior,” she admitted. “But it’s not bad for a rival, huh?”

_I say like I hadn’t crushed Cheren under my heel. Like I haven’t made Bianca almost cry. Like it’s not a great thing that both of them moved on from me._

“At least you’re not inflexible,” N mused. “Some humans are. It’s really frustrating. I can still only communicate properly with a select few of them. Beyond you and Mei, of course.”

_That’s a bad thing. You left in the first place to gain a greater understanding. I shouldn’t be a little happy to hear that._

“A lot are flexible,” she said. “Keep trying, N. Don’t give up. And if someone is being particularly stubborn—I’ll beat them up.”

“Not battle them?”

“Sometimes you can settle matters with your own two fists, N. Oh, but only leave that to me. Don’t get into any fights. Be diplomatic where you can.”

“I know that,” N replied, brow furrowed. “Ghetsis made it clear that such physical means were...unsightly.”

“It’s because I don’t want you getting hurt, obviously,” Touko said. “Not to mention it’s for the sake of everyone else. I don’t think I’d be able to hold back against someone who hurt you.”

_Even that monster’s name is enough to drive me into a white-hot fury. N’s incredible, isn’t he? For saying it. So easily._

N does bristle this time. With a predictable amount of childishness.

“I can handle myself. I don’t need a guard.”

“Oh, no,” her mother cut in. “Touko’s just like that with her friends. It can be a nightmare to deal with especially when she tried to physically fight Bianca’s father.”

N blinked, and his mouth opens. It closes without a word, leaving behind only a soft hum. Touko, too, said nothing in response. She felt no need to protest nor defend herself.

“Some things never change,” her mother just sighed, preparing the plates. “But, well, enough about that. Let’s eat!”

“Thanks, mom.”

“Thank you for the food,” N muttered, head ducked.

After the food was set out and the table made, they ate in relative silence and comfort. Touko wondered if she should have been relieved that N knew to use utensils. She then felt foolish for the thought. N wasn’t completely untamed, obviously. That monster wanted at least the appearance of refinement, so N _would_ know how to function somewhat in a social setting such as eating at the table. Thinking of it that way, Touko found herself wishing N wouldn’t have bothered with the pretense. Even now, the way he operates forks and knives was stiff and almost mechanical. Between that and his tightened features, it was clear just how nervous the other was.

“Is it any good?” her mother asked, ever kindly and worriedly. She no doubt took notice as well.

N’s nod was more of a spastic jerk.

“Thank you for the food.”

It was too much to take, so she looked away for now.

“Thank you for the food,” she echoed in a drone.

* * *

N was a couple of years older than her. Physically, he was in the early stages of adulthood. But with how much of the world he’s seen, he might as well still be a child. He’s a lot like Bianca, body growing faster than allowed. Sheltered and sweet, only N’s upbringing was of a much more sinister nature.

N was once a king. At the time, Touko wanted to crush him. To smash him between her palms and wipe the remnants off her shorts. She had pretty strong feelings against him. His smug attitude and upturned nose, the way he would continuously dart his eyes towards her team attached to her belt. He spoke so quickly that she wanted to wring his neck.

All that said, she wanted to shove her tongue down his throat. Be it because of hormones, because he was the first guy she really got to know besides Cheren, or even because N was just pretty to look at, there had been undeniable attraction. Attraction which hadn’t even been separated from violence.

And now, she—doesn’t want to hurt him. Because she knows how vulnerable he really is. How he had been manipulated by a monster and how his face had crumbled like paper when called a freak. When she wanted to embrace him, it was fueled purely by the desire to keep him safe from the rest of the world.

She still let him leave. She understood that he needed to understand things for himself. She had been his ultimate rival, but they hadn’t been friends. She couldn’t have expected him to confide in her. And, yet, she still chased after him and now that they’ve reunited... She frankly has no intention of letting him go again, even if it’s for his own good.

N was stated to have a pure and innocent heart. The only thing pure about Touko was pure stubbornness.

* * *

“Mom’s nice.”

“Yeah, she is.”

She doesn’t correct N. Her mother didn’t either, finding it endearing if a bit sad. Touko did think to tell her not to pity him, because N doesn’t like to be pitied—but she thinks her mother might ask her more about N, and she doesn’t want to talk about him. Or rather, what she knows about him.

She kind of wants to keep it to herself out of the messed up desire to keep N to herself.

“It’s warm,” N said. “Nothing like the castle at all. It’s all calm. Calming. I envy your upbringing, Touko.”

He’s a little tall for the futon that her mother laid out. Touko stares at him shifting awkwardly.

“You’ll get used to it,” she finally replied. “You’re gonna stay here for a while, yeah?”

He hums softly.

“If you’ll have me.”

She could’ve laughed, even as she did have the decency to feel the slightest twinge of guilt. It wasn’t enough to admit the truth. She only felt guiltier because N thought highly of her. Like this—she was taking advantage of him. She’s been with Bianca long enough to know how to be gentle with people, and yet...

“Sorry.” She slips off her bed, hovering over him before pressing down on her hands. With N’s head in-between, she held herself over him with resolve. “You’re not lonely with me here, right?”

_When that monster told you the truth—when he spat in your face about inhumanity, I can’t even imagine how you felt. Devastated? Shattered? Perhaps—you felt the loneliest you’ve ever been. I get it. I do. I understand why you had to get away. But—that didn’t stop me from wanting to scream **“please don’t leave me!!”**_

“It’s a little lonely,” N admitted, because he really was so unabashedly honest. His eyes were bright, but her reflection within them looked a little twisted. “The reason for that is because you’re closed off from me, Touko.”

_Ah._

**_Aha_ ** _._

Her heart nearly stuttered through her ribcage. Funny how words like _that_ could cut through her.

“Are you mad?” N asks so sadly, reaching up and cupping her face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving.”

This idiot really has such trouble understanding the human heart. But, he’s trying. Oh, Arceus, he’s trying so much. For years, he’s been trying.

Swelling with adoration, Touko turned to kiss his palm, nuzzling into that hand. N pets her for that, and maybe to him it’s just like reassuring a friend. Gentle touches to show that the world isn’t entirely cruel. If she had been a tad more immature, she would’ve recoiled at the idea of being treated like she was broken. But because she’s mostly selfish, she accepts his affection greedily.

_I’m not letting you go again. Sorry, N. Sorry._

At least N holds her like he doesn’t want to let go, either.


End file.
